Hi, my name is Alexandra Castle and I am a financial management, HR consultant working primarily with new and emerging businesses, particularly biotechnology. Here is a little more about me.

While in graduate school I established a business management and IT consulting firm in RTP North Carolina working with small predominately technology and bioscience companies just getting off the ground. With my partner, we provided all the start up infrastructure including information technology systems, human resources, financial management and general business functions. Before that I spent more than 30 years as a Senior Financial Executive for major international real estate development firms and in a senior manager position in public accounting for a major public accounting firm. In addition to my MBA in accounting from UCLA, I also have a BA in Psychology from the University of Miami and a Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of North Carolina. I also have certifications in both Mediation and Divorce Financial Planning.

Areas I feel most confident in include new business formation, using technology in marketing, business plan development, strategic HR planning and offering inhouse interim HR and Financial Management through initial stages of development.

You know, it just has finally got through my head how different writing for the web is than writing for print. I have been a business and marketing consultant for 25 years and only now realize that what I have been doing is not altogether common knowledge particularly in coaches. So I decided to do a FREE teleconference in the next two weeks and then once a month on a particular topic area involved with web copy. If anyone is interested in joining us please email me at alexc@authenticlifecoaching.com.

I know this is a little morose, but I guess reality is what it is and today about 60% of first marriages fail. I got a call from an attorney I work with recently and he had a client who had come to him over and over again over the past year or so. She just couldn't make herself leave her long but very dysfunctional relationship. Instead of coaching her to do that, what we did was do something called controlled separation. CS is not a trial separation with no limits. It is a very negotiated separation that lasts for from 1 to 6 months. After the initial period, the couple can decide whether they need some more time. Other things negotiated before fcommencing the relationship include whether and how frequently and how intimately contact between the parties will be. It arranges for financial items, household and parenting partnering, whether the parties will date others and a whole lot of other things. About half the time CS results in the couple seeing that they can forge a new relationship and they undergo counseling or coaching toward getting back together. The rest of the time, it results in a divorce. But usually, the controlled separation if gone into willingly and honestly will result in a divorce that is less acrimonious which is great for all concerned.

Just a thought for anyone out there who might be struggling with this. If you want more information about it please feel free to give me a buzz.

I have been involved with and engaged to the most fabulous man for about 3 years now. We've both been married and badly divorced so we're still a little chicken and there are financial reasons as well so we haven't tied the knot yet. Anyway, I can say this because he'll never read my blog, he has a daughter that even he acknowledges is a bit difficult to like. In over 4 years she has had exactly 2 conversations with me. Usually she just ignores the fact that I am in the room.

Anyway, she came over yesterday and wow what a difference. Now don't get me wrong she wasn't a ball of enthusiasm, but she did talk to me. Not the air above my head, she actually looked at me. And what we talked about was really interesting. I have felt for a long long time that we don't do a real good job preparing kids for picking a career that really suits their values, skills etc. They sort of go into something like I did because it's the thing to do, their parents occupations or something that pays well.

Well Amy was no different. She had chosen to go to SUNY Purchase and major in TV writing. Now I know I know there are jobs to be found. People do write hit situation comedies. But let's face it, what are the odds? And what do you have to enable you to support yourself while you seek to write the perfect play, book or show? Well that coupled with the $25,000 a year out of state tuition, room and board etc made her father and I really refuse to foot the whole bill.

Dad felt guilty but after helping put my own three through college, I had already found out that there is a certain sense of responsibility and self respect that my kids got from paying for part of their own educations. So reality was what reality was and Amy got a job as an RA to cover her room and board. She is ready to graduate now and you know what? That RA position she's had for 2 years has turned into something she wants to do so she is going to grad school to get a Master's in Administration. And sure enough she has gotten old enough to realize she really enjoyed being responsible

I told Dad after she left that now he could see that his little princess was not harmed having to work while in school and in fact he can now rest easier knowing that on her own she will be able to support herself.

Altogether it was an interesting evening.

What is your idea of happiness? I used to think of happiness as some form of perpetually cheery feeling, as Ben Dean says "a Goldie Hawn" smile and unlimited enthusiasm and optimism. So underneath I was always in a little bit of a disappointed state because I just didn't feel that way. It also played havoc I might add with my relationships because when I lost the rush, I assumed the happiness was over. But believe it or not happiness is something that can be scientifically measured, and even better I found out, improved on because it actually involves three different aspects of your life:

1. Pleasantness: Having as much positive emotion as possible and learning how to amplify and extend your feeling of pleasure. However, if you read Dr. Seligman, you'll also find out that there is a biogenetic set point for pleasantness. Sooner or later the rush in any good experience wears off and when that happens you fall back to your normal range of happiness. So some people have bigger ranges of happiness than others. There is an experiment we did in grad school. It involved taking the seeds from the same source and placing it into three separate environments, one enriched, one neutral and one neglected. And then treating them equally thereafter. Sure enough they grow to completely different heights based on the amount of nurturing and the initial environment in which they were sowed. But no matter what you do, a carnation is never going to grow into a sunflower. They just aren't genetically the same.

Well pleasure is like that. There is what we call a "range of reaction" in psychology that means that within a range, events can have different degrees of intensity in effect. So even winning the lottery eventually wears off. The good thing to know is that you can develop the skills, however to feel at the very top of your range and for longer.

2. The Engaged Life- Being involved, immersed in your work, your family, whatever you do being wholly there. To improve this all you need to do is identify your strengths and your virtues and then build your life around them. These can change across your life, what you valued when you were 20 isn't what you value now, but you can rebuild it.

And finally 3. A Meaningful Life- I still get a sort of queazy effect when people talk about spirituality because I equate it with religion or philosophical theory. But all it really means is to develop a reach beyond your own life and use your "signature" strengths and virtues to serve something or someone you believe is beyond yourself like your community, your children, the environment, your political party or whatever is important for you.

What counts is these can all be measured legitimately so we can see as psychologists how different people may be in "fulfillment" but also see how to help teach others to better each of these "lives". And that is what coaching is to me. For more information go to www.reflectivehappiness.com. Dr. Seligman has a great site with a "Happiness Plan" that I have personally incorporated not only into my personal life but the way I work with others.

In keeping with celebrating women, I love to see news articles where women empower not only themselves but also others. As much as women owned business has grown and continues to grow, getting capital is a serious problem. One woman has found an answer though. Ingrid Dyott, who manages Neuberger Berman's Socially Responsive Fund, invests a good chunk of its assets into companies that treat women well. This is good business as it turns out because those companies also strive for diversity, and therefore have a competitive advantage in attracting and keeping the most talented workers in a tight labor market. And these companies perform. During the last recession, 2002, shares of her fund performed almost 10% better than the Standard and Poor's 500. Even with all of the losses, these socially conscious companies did far better than 95% of the funds invested in companies with lots of assets but no heart.

The thinking according to Dyott that these socially conscious companies project is that "good corporate citizenship is good business". Too bad Enron, TelCom and others didn't take that to heart

Dyott examines the level of corporate responsility. For example in Johnson and Johnson, a pharmaceutical firm, 37.3% of officials and managers and 28% of the board are women. This compares to on average only 12% in the Standard and Poors Index. J & J are also listed as one of the 100 best companies to work for.

Should those numbers still be higher, you bet, but this is progress and with women like Dyott offering tangible support, it is a matter of time before the market catches up. My thanks go out to you for your vision.

I was wandering around in blogland and discovered this wonderful personal thread of a mother dealing with three growing children. Now this site is not intended for that purpose and in the future I will put my musings on those kinds of things in a new blog I am creating called the Fart Room but the reminiscence that was created by that blog just couldn't be denied. So to let her know that she is not alone dealing with childrens' stages of anal retention.(psychobabble)I have to let you know a true story. If this grosses you out, please forgive me. I have a strange sense of humor and these kinds of things amuse me.

Anyway, oh so many years ago my eldest child then 2 was visiting a neighbor child. We had just moved into this very tony neighborhood for the upwardly mobile and as one of the few non lawyers and non physicians in the group I wanted to fit in oh so much. So I was chatting on the patio with the mother of the other child (the neurosurgeous wife...you know the top of the food chain) while our children were amusing themselves in the pool. I happened to glance over at the pool and thought I detected some dark spots on the bottom. Hoping against hope, I judiciously maneuvered myself into the pool to surreptitiously play mermaid and research my find. Needless to say, I was not impressed. Seems like my little darlings grunts had more going for them than amusement.

Now I had a dilemma. There were many more of these brown objects on the floor of the pool than I originally thought. Indeed they seemed to be multiplying. And I wasn't sure how often I could get away with pretending I didn't know how to use a snorkel. So as casually as I could I began underwater ballet to retrieve my son's housewarming gift to the neighbor. After picking up about 7 of these I excused myself and went to the restroom. Ahhh so far so good. But alas, in my absence the lady of the house had discovered the issue. Seems like her older daughter diplomatically informed her of the situation by screaming " Mom Mom David made poopy in the pool" Yuck Yuck.

You know that look on someone's face that tells you you just don't measure up. Well it was there in spade. All I could do was quietly keep diving for the evidence. No one asked me to pay for the acid washing that was done the next day. And I confess, it never occurred to me to offer. Closing costs had obliterated my budget for the month and I just didn't have a category for "Shit Happens".

I have to admit it did set the stage for some wonderful stories that I only this week promised my oldest daughter I would not use. After sitting in on my class at UNC, I know she doesn't really believe me, but I will try to leave them to the personal blog intended to let all mothers know they are not alone and not to take anything too seriously. Frankly I thought this situation was a scream and had it not been for her totally disgusted expression, I would have wet my pants. The moral to this story is stay away from stuffy people, they aren't any fun.